((Hello. Yes, I am still alive. This dumb blog’s not completely dead yet. (^o^;)
I’m sorry for kind of just disappearing. I lost my motivation and muse and as a result, this blog was just stressing me out because I felt terrible for not posting things and taking actual decades with threads and so forth.
Anyway, I’m back and I’m slowly going to try and get back into things. Please bear with me while I try and sort out the mess that is my inbox and drafts.
Currently I can only find owed threads to aurielswaywardson, askdusty and maaslithewoodelf so please let me know if we still have something you’d like to continue. Similarly if you want to drop a thread because it really has been too long, let me know.
Manarion’s weary golden eyes fluttered tiredly shut as Elenwen laid a kiss upon his head, feeling it, even against the thick locks of his pale grey hair. A muscle in his neck twitched as he gritted his teeth, before moving to bite the inside of his cheek, cutting himself off from speaking the words of self-loathing and desperation that danced upon the tip of his tongue. The First Emissary’s tenderly spoken words calmed him and drew him out of his well of depression, out shaking and shivering from the cold and dark and into the light and warmth. Fear still sparked in the back of his mind, tension settling into his heavy, wide shoulders, and his broad, muscular back. He was at complete loss how to handle this nerve-wracking situation, and instead sat completely stock still, adrenalin running both hot and cold through his veins even as alcohol fogged his brain in a pleasant haze.
Elenwen released her hold of Manarion’s shoulders, as she felt his arms draw her closer, and opted to snuggle against his much larger form instead. She worried briefly about how heavy she must be upon his lap, knowing that she was not the smallest or lightest of womer, but she did not try pulling away lest he thought she did not desire such closeness with him - A thought that would have been entirely wrong. Elenwen relished every moment she could spend in her lover’s warm embrace and she more than happily remained in his arms.
"Of course I am certain." She replied softly, gently nuzzling his jawline. "I couldn’t be more certain if I tried, my love." Shifting slightly so that she could look him in the eyes, Elenwen attempted to smile in an encouraging manner before she spoke again. "No matter how lost you may be, I will never give up until I have found you, Manarion."
"With difficulty, at times…" Elenwen bit her lip nervously, nibbling at the skin there until she could taste the metallic tang of blood. "I know I did not hurt myself and the scars I bear are not a direct result of my own actions, but I still blame myself. Vehemently so."
"…I tell myself that I was a child, that there was nothing I could have done." Elenwen murmured, reluctance and pain evident in the fragility of her voice. "I tell myself repeatedly, if I have to, which is more often than I care to count." She sniffed and took a long, deep breath in an attempt to calm herself as tears formed in her amber eyes.
"It’s difficult to believe my own words though," She continued finally. "When my father has blamed me for years and has never been shy to voice it. His words are more believable than my own…"
"When it comes to interrogations… I tell myself that if I had not overseen them, someone else would have. Someone who might have been more willing to beat information out of them than talk it out of them."
Elenwen dropped her gaze to the floor and was completely silent for a few minutes before she looked up and added softly, “I strongly dislike interrogations. It is probably the worst part of my duties. Fortunately, as First Emissary, I do not oversee as many as I used to, but that does not mean that the do not still haunt me…”
(Meant to upload this last night, but forgot, for reasons. lol)
[[Thank you so much!! ajkdhskjfbkjfbsfdbsjfkjsl *Dead.* ;u;]]
Elenwen sighed forlornly, avoiding eye contact by staring off into the distance. “I hide. A lot.” Her voice was soft, but one could sense how uncomfortable she was speaking aloud about such things. “I hide behind the professional, Ambassador Elenwen. She has an air of confidence that the real Elenwen, the real me, lacks. She does not feel or show emotion in the same way and she is undoubtedly a stronger person.”
There was a pause. Elenwen’s ears flicked awkwardly as she dropped her gaze to her lap, fiddling nervously with her fingers. “I am somewhat pathetic compared to the professional persona I choose to adopt as my armour.” She continued, her tone edged with self-loathing. “There are very few who I allow to see passed said armour, because there are very few who I trust not to use my weaknesses to their advantage.”
"I’ve already learnt my lesson about letting people get too close, too quickly…" A hand subconsciously went to wrap around her left wrist as she muttered bitterly to herself.
Manarion’s silver brows furrowed over sorrowful eyes and he bowed his head to cast his golden-eyed gaze upon the floor, a shudder running through his shoulders as she referred to him by his rank rather then his name or an affectionate moniker.
Elenwen continued to glower at the Altmer, her cheeks flushing a faint red with rage and tiny electric blue sparks emanated from her balled fists - A tell-tale sign that the womer was more than a little angry.
"Well?" She hissed, almost expectantly. "Are you going to answer me or not?"
A brief pause. Elenwen blinked at Manarion as if she were only now seeing him properly. His sorrowful gaze and despondent demeanour irked her. What did he have to be upset about? It was she who had been insulted, not him. If anyone should have been hurt, it was her.
"Why are you the one sporting a dejected expression?" She queried bemusedly, her tone still irritable. "You look as if it is I who has just insulted you. Not the other way around."
Elenwen’s ears twitched and a faint, but affectionate smile graced her lips as she noticed her partner approaching. “Manarion. Is there something you-” Hearing the old General’s mutterings, the Ambassador stopped in the middle of her greeting and her face fell. Before she’d even strung a full sentence together, she’d been insulted by her colleague and lover.
“Excuse me. Would you care to repeat that, General?” She growled in a low and dangerous tone, glaring at the larger mer whilst her pointed ears pinned to the sides of her head. Infuriated, Elenwen did not seem to notice the regret in his eyes. She only appeared to care for the fact that the one mer she felt closest to, above all others, had just affronted her.
"Of course you are, my little dragon!" Elenwen smiled as she knelt down to cuddle the little Altmer properly before turning the affectionate embrace into a playful tickle fight. After a few moments of merciless tickling and getting a good amount of snow in each other’s hair, Elenwen wrapped her arms around him in another hug.
"I love you, little one. More than you could ever know." She murmured, giving him a brief kiss on his pudgy cheek. "Now let’s get inside before either of us catches frostbite and perhaps we can have a sweetroll or two."
Elenwen shifted uncomfortably and sighed as she felt her insides being kicked for the umpteenth time that day. Gods, she was ready for this baby to be born already, but she was a good eight weeks or so away from her due date. "Too many weeks away." She thought sourly.
Sighing, she looked down at the little boy who was cuddling her baby belly as best he could and ran her fingers gently through his hair. She would have picked him up and cuddled him herself, but her current condition made such affection difficult at best.
"So he does…" Elenwen replied softly with a faint smile, her heart warming at the excitement in her son’s voice. She had been worried he’d sulk at the prospect of having to share his mother with another child, not unlike how she had once reacted when informed that she was going to have a little brother, but fortunately he had not. He seemed eager to be a big brother and look after his younger sibling. Elenwen just hoped he would be just as keen when the baby actually arrived and started keeping everyone up half the night.
Elenwen panicked slightly upon seeing her son limping, her ears pinning back against her flaxen hair, and she promptly went to help him sit down so that she could inspect his injuries. Knelt down before him, she carefully looked over his knee and found only a few, light scratches.
"Are you quite certain it ‘really, really hurts’?” Elenwen queried sceptically, looking the boy straight in the eye. “It doesn’t look very serious at all. A quick wash and a bandage and you should be fine.”